Our emotions play a pivotal role in shaping our well-being, influencing not only how we feel day-to-day but also how we navigate moments of distress. For some, emotions can feel overwhelming, almost as if they dictate every aspect of their lives (“Emotions are everything.”). For others, emotions might feel like an unwelcome nuisance (“Emotions are the worst. I wish I could just turn them off.”). Then there are those who feel disconnected from their emotions altogether, unsure of what they’re experiencing (“I don’t know what I’m feeling!”).

No matter where you fall on this spectrum, there is no universal guidebook to managing emotions. However, one practice stands out as a powerful tool for fostering a healthier relationship with your feelings: self-validation.

What is self-validation?

Self-validation is the practice of acknowledging and accepting your emotions without judgment. It’s about recognizing that your feelings make sense within the context of your experiences (e.g., “I’m feeling anxious, and that makes sense because…”).

Despite its simplicity, self-validation can be challenging. Many of us have learned, consciously or unconsciously, to invalidate our emotions—especially in moments of discomfort.

Why do we invalidate ourselves?

There are many reasons we might dismiss or suppress our feelings:

1. Avoiding discomfort: We want to escape unpleasant emotions (e.g., “Why can’t I stop feeling anxious?”).

2. Judgment: We criticize ourselves for experiencing emotions (e.g., “I’m so pathetic for feeling this way.”).

3. Over-reliance on logic: We rationalize emotions away (e.g., “I shouldn’t feel anxious about this—it doesn’t make sense!”).

The truth is:

• You can influence, but not control your emotions. Trying to force yourself not to feel something is futile.

• Judging emotions fuels distress. Adding judgment on top of emotions creates a cycle of negative feelings (e.g., “Now I’m angry about being anxious!”).

• All emotions make sense. Even if you can’t pinpoint the cause, your emotions arise for a reason.

Acknowledging your feelings is the first step in learning to process them.

Why practice self-validation?

Think back to a time when you expressed an upsetting experience to someone, only to hear dismissive comments like, “Why are you so upset?” or “You’re being too sensitive.” Did your emotions feel bigger and more overwhelming afterward?

Now imagine the same situation, but with a validating response: “Of course you’re upset. I’d feel the same way if that happened to me.” Chances are, you’d feel relief—a sense of being heard and understood.

The same principle applies to self-validation. By acknowledging your own feelings, you can soothe emotional distress and begin to regulate your emotions effectively. Research supports this: a 2007 study by Lieberman and colleagues found that labeling emotions can decrease activation in the brain’s emotional centers, reducing their intensity.

How to practice self validation

1. Name Your Emotions
   Identify what you’re feeling, using specific terms like “frustrated,” “sad,” or “anxious.” Simply naming your emotion can help reduce its intensity.

2. Acknowledge and Accept
   Avoid judging yourself for how you feel. Replace self-critical thoughts like, “I shouldn’t feel this way,” with affirmations like, “It’s okay to feel this way.”

3. Explore the Context
   Ask yourself why you might be feeling this emotion. Understanding the “why” can help you validate your feelings.

4. Use Compassionate Language
   Speak to yourself as you would a close friend. For example, say, “This is hard, and it’s okay to feel this way,” rather than, “I’m so weak for struggling with this.”

5. Give Yourself Permission to Feel
   Remind yourself that emotions are natural and temporary. They’re your mind’s way of processing experiences, and they don’t define you.

Addressing Common Concerns

“What if the emotion doesn’t match the situation?”
Sometimes, emotions don’t fit the facts (e.g., feeling intense fear when faced with a harmless situation like a snake behind glass). These emotions are valid because they reflect your internal experiences. Self-validation allows you to acknowledge the feeling before engaging in strategies to cope, such as deep breathing or grounding techniques.

“Won’t self-validation make me feel worse?”
If you’re used to suppressing emotions, self-validation might feel intense at first. However, emotions are not inherently harmful, and they don’t last forever. By allowing yourself to process feelings, you prevent the “shaken soda bottle” effect of bottled-up emotions exploding unexpectedly.

“What if I don’t know what I’m feeling?”
Not knowing your exact emotion is okay. Approach the experience with curiosity, saying, “I don’t know exactly what I’m feeling, but it’s valid, and there’s a reason for it.” This gentle exploration can help uncover deeper insights over time.

The Long-Term Benefits of Self-Validation

Self-validation isn’t just a tool for emotional regulation; it’s a way to build a stronger, more compassionate relationship with yourself. By validating your own feelings, you:

• Reduce emotional distress.

• Increase self-awareness.

• Empower yourself to navigate challenges with resilience.

Most importantly, self-validation affirms that your emotions are an integral, valuable part of who you are. It allows you to take ownership of your emotional experiences, creating space for healing and growth.

Start Today

The next time an emotion arises, take a moment to pause. Name the feeling, acknowledge its presence, and remind yourself that it’s valid. By practicing self-validation, you’re not just managing emotions—you’re rewriting the narrative of how you relate to yourself.

You are worth the effort, and so are your emotions. Embrace them. Validate them. And watch as your emotional world begins to feel a little more balanced and a lot more manageable.