Guest Writer - You, me & OCD
By Andreia from You are not your thoughts on instagram
OCD has always been a part of my life – even when I wasn’t aware of it. It has impacted all aspects of my life and one of the things I’ve struggled the most was navigating through relationships while struggling with OCD, and this includes family, partners, friends, and even work colleagues.
I was always a very social person so, naturally, I craved a lot of human interaction from an early age. The first memory I have about feeling a bit like an outcast was when I was 10. I was completely obsessed with HIV and the possibility of contracting HIV or spreading it. So I was playing with my friends in the playground with bugs and I asked – “How long do you think HIV lives outside the human body?” – at this time, everyone stopped and looked at me and one of the girls dropped the bug and said to me “I don’t even know what you’re talking about, you’re weird”. At this moment, I remember thinking that maybe I shouldn’t share my thoughts with everyone, or I will not have friends. Of course, now at almost 30, I have a very different view of things, but as a child, I just wanted to belong.
From that moment on I was convinced I had to hide my thoughts and behaviors to be able to maintain relationships. This was a true struggle because my life was completely dominated by anxiety and I started to progressively isolate myself. As time went by, OCD became stronger and stronger and I firmly believed that no one could find out about the “weird thoughts” – as I called them, because I didn't know I had OCD – or everyone would stop caring for me. Of course, now thanks to therapy, I know that these were highly dysfunctional beliefs!
My attempts to keep OCD hidden made me more irritable, so I would lash out, especially at my parents. I would cancel a lot of plans, I feared meeting new people and when I was finally with someone I wasn’t there, I was always thinking about OCD, OCD, and OCD. Of course, it was very difficult to maintain relationships and people would try to reach out and try to understand what was going on but I couldn’t let myself tell them.
After a long time of struggling with OCD and almost not being able to function, I decided to look for help. I started CBT with medication and my quality of life improved immensely. One of the things I worked on with my therapist was how to talk about OCD and anxiety in general with people that are a part of my life, and today, I’m perfectly fine by sharing that I have OCD.
I took some major takeaways from this that made me look at things from a different view:
The only validation you need is from yourself and the people who love you will support you - You need to be the primary source of validation for yourself! You shouldn’t feel like you can’t share your thoughts with people, especially because relationships are supposed to add value, not anxiety. The reality is that people who matter will accept you and support you.
Sharing makes things lighter for you - Talking about OCD with loved ones can take so much weight, just having someone to listen to what you’re feeling and being able to vent, it’s really helpful Not only for you but for them too, because they feel part of your life.
It does get so much better - I remember thinking that this was it, life would never get better. I was so wrong, with the right support – therapy, medication, and loved ones – things do get better. OCD may be present in your life but it doesn’t need to control it. You got this!